Sometimes, we take the class because we find the topic hopelessly engaging, despite the fact that we will not emerge from the quarter unscathed by some tenant of the international trade system. In my case, I fully expect to emerge from the quarter harshly scathed by pretty much every tenant. And yet - - there's no pressing need for me to give an outstanding performance. This isn't a relationship, it's a class. And one of my last. Therefore, the only requirement is "don't embarass yourself". Shoot for a B+. Let yourself get a B on the midterm. It only counts for 25% of your final grade. If you convince yourself now that today's mediocre performance is easily offset by tomorrow's stellar efforts, then you may be able to justify an hour or two of sleep.

The whole "unconditional offer" to graduate school has blown what little drive I had to bits. Plus, I think I got an A/A- on my statistics midterm. And I would MUCH rather study numbers & equations and learn to do fun little problems than spend weeks with my head buried in the world's thickest course packet ($53.00). I could conceivably get an A- in statistics. Combined with an A- in my independent study...leaves room for a B(+) in globalization, because it is hard. And I am tired.

And I just got my period. So I'm worthless for today, tonight, tomorrow, tomorrow night, and probably the day after that. I do realize "but - - - I came down with my period at the worst possible time!" has never gotten anyone an extension, or a few extra points, or even an empathetic pat on the back. But I really am quite ill. For two to four days every month. Like clockwork. For the first two days, I get insomnia, and can't sleep or stay asleep, but am exhausted. I have a headache, a stomachache, and several backaches. And I am bleeding. Sometimes, when I'm extra lucky, I get the young-persons' derivative of hot flashes, as well, which tend to make me faint.

So right now I can exercise and slouch dejectedly...and, on occasion - when it really, really hurts - whimper. But that is all. I cannot concentrate on anything to save my life right now. Not even on kazaa, which is, in itself, proof of serious illness. Can't work, can't sleep, don't react to pain medication. Who doesn't react to vicodin?!? me. This is really a problem...I don't know if I'm going to get this done tonight. Usually, I ponder prompts for a couple of days, then bang something out the night before it's due. And it's fine. Because I've been putting together an argument in my head and because, when it gets uncomfortably close to the deadline, I'm suddenly capable of decent academic prose and Cambridge-worthy focus.

But tonight I'm really fucking sick. *moment taken to stretch, groan* Hence posting pointless crap. Blogging is good for hyperactivity. I think I'm going to throw-up. Or pass out. Maybe pass out. Give me three or four more hours... Certain of my female organs have never done a single positive thing for me. What a stupid fucking design for a human being! I didn't eat the apple; why punish me? I don't even like apples; they upset my stomach. Not that it makes a difference right now.

If I turn this ^^^ in tomorrow afternoon, do you think he'll understand and let me try again once I cease to feel like I've been hit by a truck? I'm sure he's never gotten an essay like this before.